| (no subject) |
[Feb. 24th, 2008|06:04 pm] |
Bizarre TV phrase of the week:
"Hysterical blackness is brought to you by the U.S. Navy."
--Comedy Central |
|
|
| SNOW DAY! |
[Feb. 1st, 2008|07:39 am] |
Not that I have Friday classes to begin with, but it probably means I won't be rehearsing my scene or working on my box project today (although I have yet to hear from the other people in my project group, despite the fact that we tentatively said we were going to work on it today and they were supposed to get back to me).
It also means I canceled my weekend plans for a Glen Ellyn trip, so it looks like the type of day where I sequester myself in my room and refuse to emerge except in cases of food and biological needs.
Therefore, look for further updates as the weekend fails to progress. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2008|07:22 pm] |
Twenty minutes after it starts, I remember the Lost season premier is on tonight.
BEN NEEDS TIVO.
Ah well, I'll just watch it on ABC.com later.
LOLWGA
-----------------
I haven't done this in a while.
THE WORLD AS YOU FAIL TO KNOW IT
From the WTF Desk:
http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Quirks/2008/01/31/mom_of_twins_didnt_know_she_was_pregnant/3263/
When I was little, I used to have this weird fear that my pregnant mom would have her baby without noticing while on the toilet and he'd fall into the bowl. Suddenly, 3-year-old me looks a lot less stupid.
From the No Faith in Humanity Desk:
http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Top_News/2008/01/28/woman_hit_by_several_cars_none_stop/5301/
Seriously, people, what the hell?
From the LOLZ Desk:
http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Quirks/2008/01/31/oregon_teens_bike_sold_while_he_shops/5013/
Note to self: leave little sister unattended at Goodwill.
From the Old People are Fucking Badass Desk:
http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Quirks/2008/01/31/80-year-old_woman_grabs_attackers_gun/2709/
From the What's Courtney Love Up To These Days? Desk:
http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Quirks/2008/01/31/80-year-old_woman_grabs_attackers_gun/2709/
From the Lamest Excuses Ever Desk:
http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Quirks/2008/01/31/man_blames_drug_for_indecent_exposure/1808/
So if I take this drug to get my legs to stay still so I can sleep at night, then I'll be kept up all night by my raging boner telling me to masturbate in front of teenage girls? Getting rid of the jimmy legs is not enough of a reason for me to fall back on the behaviors of my 15-year-old self.
From the Dumbest Criminals Ever Desk:
http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Quirks/2008/01/30/drunk_driver_calls_police_on_herself/1375/
I wish I was creative enough to make this shit up.
NOW YOU ARE INFORMED CITIZENS!
---------------
And that, in case you were wondering (you weren't), is what I get paid to do all day. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2008|04:13 pm] |
Earlier today, it was pushing 50.
Now it's 11 and the sky is throwing tiny ice bricks at my window.
lolmidwest. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2007|03:42 am] |
It's both hilarious and sad to listen to college kids talk politics when they've had an entire month without Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert telling them what to think.
And I say this as an avid fan of both shows.
Really, it's mostly sad. |
|
|
| Late Halloween |
[Nov. 4th, 2007|03:26 am] |
So, I went to a Halloween party last week, before which my friend Ben Carter (no relation) had the greatest costume idea of all time.
( More like Ben REILLY! ) |
|
|
| Opening night |
[Nov. 2nd, 2007|07:57 am] |
Henry V opens officially tonight, and I'm not sure how optimistic I am, given last night's preview showing. Everyone (cast, crew and audience alike) seemed to have thought it went a lot better than I did, but there were just far too many hiccups in the show as a whole for me to be really happy with it. But then, I tend to sulk my way off the stage if a show has even one minor goofup, so I'm not sure how much I can trust my opinion. I'll know better when my dad sees it tonight. He won't say so if he doesn't like it, but I can always tell the difference between when he pretends to like a show (i.e. Robin Hood (but in that show's defense, he came on a reeeaaally bad night for it, noise interference was at an all-time pre-cicada high)) and when he actually likes a show.
Preparation for The Move is coming along slowly but surely, I got my housing paperwork in the mail this week (note to self: send that shit in).
Now I will list the things I have so far realized I need (or badly want) FOR NO REASON (are you reading this, Mommy?)
- Mini fridge
- A new laptop (don't get me wrong, I have many fond memories of my Lappy 486 and it is still gorgeously decorated with the adorable kitty stickers Evie gave me when she was 6 (point of reference: she's pushing 13), but there comes a time in a man's life when he needs more than 15 minutes of battery power and a keyboard with a working left shift key).
- Subway gift cards (there's a Subway IN MY DORM BUILDING, how awesome is that shit?)
- A new car (just after typing that, I spent half an hour looking at hybrid cars online... I hate finding ones I really like only to discover on carfax that it's already been sold and the ad was negligently left up)
Those are actually the only things I've thought of, so far. Hey college kids, what do you have that I need?
SEND MONEY. |
|
|
| Poorly kept secret |
[Oct. 13th, 2007|01:07 am] |
I'm moving to Normal in January.
I will be an ISU student.
GO FIGHTING REDTURDS.
I will not miss Sully. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2007|02:54 pm] |
I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hate my dad's new dog.
I have repeatedly considered making him into a large sausage this week while my dad traverses the Great Lakes region on his motorcycle.
He listens less and barks more than Keller.
AND KELLER IS DEAF.
He also has one misshapen red eye that contains the corrupted souls of 1,000 orphans who died of AIDS.
However, it looks like I may be outta here come January (but it's dependent on some things that may not pan out, right now I'd give it a 40 percent chance), and then that horrid beast can bark and not listen to his heart's content.
Force me to put on pants so I can drag you inside because you run the opposite direction when I announce that it's feeding time, will you?! PHEH! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 27th, 2007|02:27 pm] |
The grocery store was out of my usual scent of high-class Axe body spray. As many of you already know, I use this product because it's cheaper than real cologne and as an out of shape American (also known as an American) I require something scented to prevent me from smelling like a locker room after climbing half a flight of stairs. This I manage to accomplish using the only variety of Axe I've encountered that does not remind me of gasoline.
HOWEVER
Dominick's, being the low-class grocery store that it is, did not have my high-brow product, and thus I purchased a different variety, known as Phoenix, because I thought "HAY, THAT'S ONE OF THE X-MANS! PREFECT!" Unfortunately, I did not think to imagine exactly what a flaming bird would smell like.
However, the question was answered Monday, when I first used this product and was almost immediately asked "Hey, what smells like bug spray?"
In other news, my rants are becoming increasingly mundane. |
|
|
| I know it's a couple days late, but... |
[Sep. 20th, 2007|03:21 pm] |
How much does the death of Robert Jordan suck?
A lot, that's how much.
Can you imagine spending decades on a project and dying JUST BEFORE you finish it?
I know he spoke often about how he had contingencies set in place in case his illness killed him before his last book was finished, but that really sucks for him.
In addition to the whole not being alive anymore thing, I mean.
It's like Moses never being allowed to enter the promised land... of genre fiction.
Bummer, dude. Bummer. |
|
|
| Happy Jew Years |
[Sep. 13th, 2007|01:07 am] |
Words to live by:
"What was it about this that made you think it was a good idea?"
-- my friend Jenny.
Don't do drugs, kids. GOD WILL PUNISH YOU. |
|
|
| What I learned today |
[Aug. 16th, 2007|01:42 am] |
So today, my friend, who happens to be of the Republican persuasion, dropped this hard knowledge on me:
"It's not that global warming isn't real, it's just too late to do anything about it so there's no point to the U.S. joining Kyoto or anything like it."
And ever since we found all that hard evidence proving once and for all that woman was created by God from the remains of a cannibalistic barbecue, I've learned that Conservatives really do know EVERYTHING about science, so there's no point in arguing.
Therefore, I propose we cut funding to every single earth-saving initiative that the country currently has going (which, to be fair, isn't much) and use that money instead to buy submarines for all the polar bears.
We, as humans, will not be needing the submarines, as we learned from Waterworld (which, despite being a fictional film, we know can be trusted, because Kevin Costner is a Conservative) that God will give us fins and gills when the world melts (even if evolution was real, IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY).
Now I want you to think about it: polar bears in submarines. Think hard.
Global Warming seems pretty fucking awesome now, right? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2007|04:57 pm] |
After several months of collecting dust, I have successfully repaired (changed the batteries of) my bathroom radio. This triumphant return to terrestrial radio has taught me a number of lessons:
*Pop-punk bands are still mass-producing (ironic?) covers of 80's songs set to the only chord progression they know. On a related note, I can't help but wondering what record producer decided the world needed more versions of "Time after Time."
*People apparently still listen to rap metal, and the genre is still popular enough that DJs get excited about "world premier" songs from new bands.
You may think that such a discovery would cause a rumbling of my gastrointestinal juices, but you would be wrong, sir! Rather than a vomitous disgust, it has inspired in me the creation of a new art form: battle rap metal!
Anyone unlucky enough to have seen "8 Mile" is at least marginally familiar with the concept of Battle Rap -- two guys get on stage and throw out post-adolescent variations of "yo mamma" jokes set to a beat and rhyme. Battle Rap Metal is a similar concept, but instead of two guys hurling insults, you have two teams sporting guitars turned down as far as they can go rhyming back and forth about who came from the most "hardcore" suburb and whose daddy loved them less.
Example:
The Gross Pointe Playas:
"Rollin' down to KFC
We borrowed my mom's SUV
Bustin' caps with the BB gun
I bought with dollaz from my trust fund
(whaaaoooohhh) Daddy never gave me hugs
(whaaaoooohhh) I dropped out of Yale
(whaaaoooohhh) I don't fit in with the other thugs
(whaaaoooohhh) I look like Christian Bale"
And the retort, from up-and-coming group Breakfast Foodz:
"We have vaginas
We have vaginas
We have vaginas
We have vaginas
They're bigger than yours"
The emcee then discerns the winner by polling the audience. The group who gets the most silent angst-ridden stares at the mention of their name is declared the victor and promptly shot into space, never to be heard from again.
Now give me money. |
|
|
| Tips for Internet Life |
[Jun. 28th, 2007|02:09 pm] |
If she has a username that includes the words "flirty," "hottie," "sexy" or any variation of the three, she is probably not a real person and you should not accept her myspace friend request.
Alternately, it may be your 12-year-old sister who is desperately in need of a good beating.
Does anyone know where I can buy a chastity belt on the cheap? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2007|02:09 am] |
And don't get me wrong dear
In general I think I'm doin' quite fine
Just when it's summer in the city
And you're so long gone from the city
I start to miss you, baby, sometimes
I start to miss you, baby, sometimes
There's your fuckin' emo post. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2007|02:49 pm] |
I feel like posting a mega-emo livejournal entry.
But I have nothing to be mega-emo about.
That sucks.
Life sucks.
House party tonight. Let's see if anyone shows up. |
|
|
| Who wants to read a one act play? |
[May. 8th, 2007|05:17 pm] |
I's uninspired and unoriginal, but it's short.
Plus, I'll probably discard all of your feedback anyway, due to the fact that I think I'm better than everyone else.
But still. I need criticism.
Comment or IM with an e-mail address to volunteer. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
theromancandle's journal